【赫临译笔】别人是自己的一面镜子 - 心云驛站

当我们第一次遇到一个人，就会第一时间在大脑中形成对那个人的印象。然而，我们对别人的反应，实际上恰恰是对自己认识的风向标。我们对别人的反应，表达出更多对自己而不是对别人的认识。人不可能对自己有所爱恨。我们被那些酷似自己的人所吸引，倾向于讨厌一些人，他们身上所展现出的那些方面恰是我们不喜欢发生在自已身上的。

因此，我们应把别人看做一面镜子，这面镜子能更加清晰地照射出我们的自我价值感。相反，我们也可以把那些自己做出消极评价的人作为镜子，用以警示自己身上有哪些方面自己不能接受。

为了和别人和平共处，我们应该学会包容。一个很大的挑战是把自己的视角从评价别人转向终生研究自己。我们的任务是评估一下自己对别人做出的所有决定和判断，把这些作为线索来修复自己，使自己变得更加完美。

我最近和一个生意伙伴共进午餐，他表现出了令人讨厌的餐桌礼仪。我的第一反应是评价这个人很没礼貌，他的餐桌表现很糟糕。当我意识到自己在评价一个人时，我停下来问问自己的感受。我发现当自己被人发现张着嘴嚼东西，大声地揩鼻涕会很不好意思。我很惊讶地发现自己多么在乎饭店里其它人对自己的看法。

请记住，评价别人不能形成一把保护伞，阻止自己变成他那样的人。仅仅因为我评价餐伴无礼并不能阻止我终生都不会有那样的表现。同理，对他表示容忍也不会导致自己突然开始张着嘴嚼东西。

当我们用这种方式来对待生活时，那些我们极端不满或很钦佩很喜欢的人都可以被视为一面镜子，用以指导自己发现自身该屏弃的地方，并欣然接受自己最好的品质。

The first time you meet someone, in the first moment you form an impression in your mind of that person. Your reactions to other people, however, are really just barometers for how you perceive yourself. Your reactions to others say more about you than they do about others. You cannot really love or hate about yourself. We are usually drawn to those who are most like us and tend to dislike those who display those aspects of ourselves that we dislike.

Therefore, you can allow others to be the mirror to illuminate more clearly your own feelings of self-worth. Conversely, you can view the people you judge negatively as mirrors to show you what you are not accepting about yourself.

To coexist peacefully with others, you will need to learn tolerance. A big challenge is to shift your perspective radically from judgment of other to a lifelong exploration of yourself. Your task is to assess all the decisions, judgments you make onto others and to begin to view them as clues to how you can heal yourself and become whole.

I recently have a business lunch with a man who displayed objectionable table manners. My first reaction was to judge him as offensive and his table manners as disgusting. When I noticed that I was judging him, I stopped and asked myself what I was feeling. I discovered that I was embarrassed to be seen with someone who was chewing with his mouth open and loudly blowing his nose. I was astonished to find how much I cared about how the other people in the restaurant perceived me.

Remember that your judgment of someone will not serve as a protective shield against you becoming like him. Just because I judge my lunch partner as offensive does not prevent me from ever looking or acting like him. In the same way, extending tolerance to him would not cause me to suddenly begin chewing my food with my mouth open.

When you approach life in this manner, those with whom you have the greatest grievances as well as those you admire and love can be seen as mirrors, guiding your to discover parts of yourself that you reject and to embrace your greatest quality.