【赫临译笔】记忆留痕 - 心云驛站

终于，我有生第一次就要搬进那所崭新的房子，房子真漂亮。我用数小时的时间在走廊里走来走去，观看那个下沉式起居室。我以前从没见过这样的起居室，一直认为那是为有钱人准备的。如今我自己有了一所这样的房子，当然很自豪。我笑容满面，踏上那铺着漂亮地毯的起居室的第一级台阶。我仔细观看以确保不在那金色地毯上留下任何灰尘。然后脱鞋，在起居室里走来走去，感受着脚下厚厚的新地毯的柔软。我最后一次与房地产经纪人见面，签署了最后的文件，他把钥匙交给了我。我跳上汽车，尽快赶回那所租来的活动房子，去接我的家人，入住新家。那是我一生中的一个好日子，因为我的家人不会再像我小时候从受尽虐待的佛罗里达孤儿院跑出来一样，去流落街头了。这所房子会永远保持崭新的状况，因此，不管发生什么，我的孩子们，孙子孙女，重孙子重孙女，都会永远有一所漂亮的新房子住。

一年又一年，我们的家保持得很好。五年后，我们以高价卖掉了这所完美整洁的房子。在那所漂亮的房子的任何地方都没有一个污点，一个小洞。更不用说你能够在墙上找到一个挂张图画用的小小钉子眼儿了。那天傍晚我要去见替我卖房子的房地产经纪人，我吃惊地发现房子的新主人站在汽车道上。我停车，走过去，开始和这对老夫妇攀谈。“这所房子完好无损。”老人说。“绝对完好无损。在任何一面墙上都找不到一个钉子眼儿。”我不无自豪地说。“真糟糕，没人在这里生活过。”老太太说。“我在这儿生活了五年。”我说着，脸上露出了灿烂的笑容。“不，你没在这儿生活五年，你只是在这里住了五年。”老太太说。回家的路上我一直在想她说的话。她什么意思？他们买到一所完好无损，连一个钉子眼儿都不存在的房子怎么会不高兴？我大惑不解。后来，我如醍醐灌顶一样，突然明白了，我迅速把车停在路边，怔怔地坐在那里思考。老太太说得太对了。

只因为你在一所房子里住过，并不意味着你在里面真正生活过。除非你用心地享受，在那里做一切令你开心的事情：比如，走进起居室，看孩子们的照片和孙子们的笑脸，看着他们在前院落洒水车下大喊大叫，是的，哪怕是那条老狗打算从漂亮的地板上穿过去卫生间的样子。我独自一人坐在那里，咬着下唇，为自己的所作所为感到羞愧，我失去了五年的生活，更不用提在无意识下，我剥夺了家人些什么。生活确实不仅仅是用大脑记住昨天发生的事，而是走进家，用心用眼为今日而活。当所有的家俱被搬走，房子完全赤裸时，墙上那些洞是记忆之洞，如果没有任何记忆，“你根本没有在这里生活过，你只是在这里住过。”如今，我们乔治亚州.不伦瑞克的家里挂有那么多孩子们的，孙子们的，朋友们的，还有狗的照片，说不定哪一天会把房子压塌。如果真压塌房子的话，我会很伤心。

Finally, for the first time in my life, I was going to move into brand-newhouse and it was an absolute beauty. I spent hours upon hours walking up anddown the hallway just looking at that sunken living room. I had never actually seen one of thosebefore and always thought they were only for rich people. It sure made me proudto now have one for my very own. I smiled real big and then put a foot downonto the first step, which led down onto the beautifully carpeted living room. ThenI carefully looked to make sure I did not get any dirt on the golden coloredcarpet. Then I removed my shoes and walked all around the living room, feelingthe soft, new, thick carpet beneath my feet. I met the real estate agent forthe last time, signed the final papers and he handed me the keys. I jumped intomy car and rushed as fast as I could to my rented mobile home to get the familyand start the moving-in process. That was a very good day in my life, becauseno one in my family would ever have to live on the streets like I did as ayoung boy when running away from that abusive Florida orphanage. This house would be keptin brand-new condition, and would last forever and ever—so that all my children,grandchildren and great grandchildren would always have a nice, new lookingplace to live, no matter what.

That held true year after year and about five years later, we sold that immaculate house for topdollar. There was not a spot or smear orhole anywhere in that beautiful house. Not even on the walls could you find asmall nail hole that would have held a picture.

I was supposed to meet with the real estate agent who was selling ourhouse later that evening and when I arrived, I was surprised to find the newowners of the house standing in the driveway. I parked my car, walked up andbegan talking with the older couple. "This house is in perfectcondition," said the old man. "Perfect in every way. Not even a nailhole in any of the wall" I told him proudly. "It's really too badthat nobody lived here," said the old woman. "I lived here for fivewhole years" I said with a great big smile on my face. "No. Youdidn't live here for five years. You just stayed here for five years" saidthe old lady. All the way home I thought about what she said. What did shemean? How could they not be happy about buying a house in perfect condition andwithout any holes in the walls? I was very puzzled. Then it hit me like a tonof bricks. I quickly pulled over to the side of the road and just sat therethinking. The old lady was absolutely right.

Just because you stay in a house, it doesn't mean you really lived in it.Not unless you put your heart into it, enjoy it and do the things that make youhappy while you are there - like walking into the living room and seeingpictures of the kids and the smiling faces of the grandchildren or watchingthem yelling their little lungs out under the sprinkler in your front yard, and yes maybe even a picture ofthe old dog who decided to go to the bathroom on that beautiful carpet. I satthere alone biting my bottom lip and feeling very much ashamed of what I haddone by having lost five years of my life, not to mention what I had taken frommy family without even realizing it. Living really is much more than justremembering yesterday with only your mind. It is walking into your home andliving for today with your heart and your eyes. Those holes in the wall, whenall the furniture is gone and the house is completely bare, are memory holesand without any memory "You didn't really live there. You just stayedthere." Today, our home in Brunswick, Georgia has somany darn pictures of kid grandkid friends and dogs on the walls that it mightcollapse one day. And if it does that will be very sad for me.