本帖最后由 ヮ成熟、羙° 于 2014-1-21 06:37 编辑
放爱一条生路
荷叶/译
前几天我和一个朋友交谈时，想到了一个今年夏天听到的故事。“一个富有同情心的人看见一只蝴蝶正在经历破茧而出的挣扎。他想帮蝴蝶的忙，便轻轻地把茧撕开一个缺口。蝴蝶挣脱了束缚，破茧而出，它振动双翅，却飞不起来。这位心存慈悲的人并不知道，只有经历破茧而出时的挣扎，蝴蝶的翅膀才能变强壮，蝴蝶才能飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的一生只能在地面上度过，它再也尝不到自由的滋味，它实际上没有真正生活过。
我把这称之为学会放爱一条生路。这是我经过水深火热后，慢慢学来的。我得知必须放手自己所爱的一切，因为如果抓住不放，试图控制，反而会失去手中的一切。
如果因为觉得自已知道一个人应该怎样而试图改变他/她时，我就剥夺了他/她一项宝贵的权利：对自己的生活、自己的选择、自己的生存方式负责的权利。如果我把自己的意志强加在别人身上，我就剥夺了他/她对成长和成熟的充分认识。不管我的初衷有多少善意，我通过自己的占有欲限制并妨碍了别人。
最善意的保护和关注可以限制和伤害别人。再过分一点，你可以雄辩地说：“你不能照顾自己。你必须让我来照顾你，因为你是我的。我要对你负责。”
随着阅历的增加，我可以这样对自己的爱人说：“我爱你，我珍惜你，我尊重你，我相信如果我不干预,你有能力成为自己可能成为的人。我如此爱你，以至于我要放手，让你随意出入我身边，与我同甘共苦。我会陪你流泪，但我不会阻止你哭泣。我会回应你的需要。我会在乎你、安慰你，但我不会在你能够独自行走时阻碍你。我会准备好陪你悲伤和孤独，但我不会把这一切从你身边剥夺。我会努力倾听你的话语，你的心声，但我不会一味赞同。有时我会生气，当我生气时，我会努力坦诚相告，因此我不必再憎恨我们的分歧，感到自己被疏远。我不会永远围着你转，倾听你的呼声，因为有些时候我要倾听自己的心声，照顾一下自己。每当这时，我会尽可能坦诚地面对你。”
我逐渐学会或者用语言或者以对人对己的方式，对自己所爱所在乎的人这样表达， 我把这称之放爱一条生路。
我不能保证永远让自己的双手远离茧蛹，但我在努力做得更好。
附：原文 Loving with an Open Hand The other day as I talked with a friend I recalled a story that I heard this summer. "A compassionate person, seeing a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon,and wanting to help, very gently loosened the filaments to form an opening. The butterfly was freed, emerged from the cocoon, and fluttered about but could not fly. What the compassionate person did not know was that only through the birth struggle can the wings grow strong enough for flight. Its shortened life was spent on the ground; it never knew freedom, never really lived." I call it learning to love with an open hand. It is a learning which has come slowly to me and has been wrought in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience. I am learning that I must free the one I love, for if I clutchor cling, try to control, I lose what I try to hold. If I try to change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be,I rob him or her of a precious right, the right to take responsibility for one's own life and choices and way of being. Whenever I impose my wish or wantor try to exert power over another, I rob him or her of the full realization of growth and maturation. I limit and prevent by my act of possession, no matter how kind my intention. Ican limit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern. Over extended it can say to the other person more eloquently than words, "You are unable to care for yourself; I must take care of you because you are mine.I am responsible for you." As I learn and practice more and more, I can say to the one I love: "I love you, I value you, I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become - if I don't get in your way.I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness. I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry. I will respond to your needs. I will care and comfort you, but I will not hold you upwhen you can walk alone. I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you. I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word, but I shall not always agree. Sometimes Iwill be angry and when I am, I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged. I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself, and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be." I am learning to say this, whether it be in words or in my way of being with others and myself, to those I love and for whom I care. And this I call loving with an open hand. I cannot always keep my hands off the cocoon, but I am getting better at it! | 
发表于 2014-1-20 06:10:04
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发表于 2014-1-20 19:34:22
