本帖最后由 ヮ成熟、羙° 于 2013-12-22 19:50 编辑
弃我去者昨日之日不可留
荷叶/译
2000年2月12日发生了两件事，改变了我的一生。第一件事是那一年我的小妹妹嫁人了。这一天她二十六岁，可在我眼里她还是我的小妹妹。我想我把她想象成一个小女孩，当作一个小女孩对待，目的是想留住自己的青春吧。直到看见她披上婚纱，在我想象中，她依然小脸胖嘟嘟，棕黑色的发辫在风中舞动，也许她粉红色的唇边永远留有巧克力的污迹。我想一个人眼里看到的只是他心中想见的。这位肤色红红，线条柔柔的美女从何而来？
那天我既高兴，又伤感。我颐指气使，替她规划人生的日子一去不返了。我专横的行为给我挣了个昵称：露茜。如果那时你迷上漫画《花生》的话，你就会清晰地想象出我当大姐的那副嘴脸。我非常喜欢露茜这个称呼，并不把它当成侮辱。我认为露茜是强大无比，自信非凡的意思，尽管她有时有点专横。我尽力不辜负这个充满活力的动画人物为我定下的标准。
突然一阵悲戚袭来，我意识到自己再也不是个孩子了。我离开了接待区，去透透气。我走出去，来到了附近的操场。操场上孩子们正在玩滑梯，荡秋千，挖土玩沙。单杠上有个女孩单膝扣住单杠，正在做向后旋转动作。我很想和她一起上杠，看看是否还能保持杠上旋转的历史记录（五年级是九十九个）。但我只能坐在那里旁观。我内心深处知道我会摔断脖子的，而且我穿着扮娘的盛装，不是操场上的运动装。因此，我静静地坐着，看着孩子们玩耍。不知道坐了多久，后来，小妹妹来了，和我一起观看。我们谈着如何长大，为逝去的童年一起洒了几滴眼泪。当她为我拭去眼角的泪滴时，她爱抚地说：“你永远是我的露茜。”我们拥抱在一起。
堂弟迈克走过来，告诉妹妹该切蛋糕了。接着他向我放了第二颗原子弹。“嘿，漫画创作者查尔斯·舒尔茨今天去世了，你们听说了吗？”他的语气好象这没什么大不了的。说完，他挽起妹妹的手臂，转身朝接待大厅走去。“快点。”他们说。“马上就来。”我答道，却一屁股坐在板凳上，被他刚才说的事弄懵了。
死了？查尔斯·舒尔茨怎么可能死呢？是他塑造了我。虽然我从没见过他本人，对于我来说，他一直是个隐形的父亲。毕竟，他为我塑造了一个著名的卡通形象。天真无邪在一夜之间溜走，像个小偷，来去自如，我却无能为力，带走了我心中最珍贵的财富。我感觉自己霎时长大了。现实像飓风一样向我袭来。我只能无助地看着它摧毁片刻之前的我，将它重塑。我不再是个孩子了，我不再是那个知道什么对其它人最好的露茜了。我第一次看到了真实的自己——一个三十一岁的女人，有自己的丈夫，很快就会有自己的孩子。
我任由风暴的潮水带走我的悲伤，把它投入海洋，因为它在我生活中已毫无意义。我从板凳上站起来，比刚才高大了一点点。我转身朝大厅走去，希望没有错过切蛋糕。在这一天，小妹妹羽翼丰满，振翅离巢。在这一天，露茜逝去，新我诞生。
附：原文 Let go of yesterday
On Saturday, February 12 two thousand, two things happened that changed everything in my life. The first was that on this day my baby sister was married. She was twenty-six this day, and yet to me she was still my baby sister. I suppose that I pictured her as a little girl, and treated her like one in order to hold onto and preserve my own youth. Until I saw her in her wedding dress I still had avision of her with chubbylittlecheeks and long, dark-brown pigtailsblowing in the wind, perhaps even a permanent smudgeof chocolate around her pink lips. I guess it's true that you see only what you want to see. Where did this beautiful woman with the glowing complexion and gentle curves come from? Iwas happy that day, and also sad. Gone were the days of me bossing her around and telling her what she should do with her life. My bossy behavior had earnedme the nickname Lucy. If you are a Peanuts fan then you can clearly imagine my behavior as an older sister. To me it wasn't an insult; I rather like the nickname Lucy. I happen to think that Lucy is strong and has incredible self-confidence, although she is a little overbearing at times. I did my bestto live up to the standards set forth by this dynamic cartoon character. I left the reception to get some air because suddenly I was overcome with grief at the realization that I was no longer a child. I went outside and walked to a nearby playground where there were children playing on the slide, the swingsand digging in the dirt. There was a little girl twirling around on a bar, one knee wrapped tightly around the bar and fashioned behind her knee. It was all I could do to sit there and just watch, for I too wanted to get on that bar withher and see if I could still hold the all-time twirling record (ninety-ninetimes in fifth grade). Somewhere inside I knew that I would break my neck, and I was wearing a bridesmaiddress.Not exactly play ground material. And so I sat watching the children play. I'm not sure how long I sat there before my sister came and joined me. We talked about how we are grown up now and shed a few tears for our childhood days gone by. As she wiped a tear from my eye she lovingly said, "you'll always be Lucy to me." We hugged. My cousin Mike walked over and told my sister that it was time to cut the cake.And then he dropped bomb number two on me. "Hey, did you guys hear tha tCharles Schultz died today?" He said it like it was no big deal. He took my sister's arm and turned to head back for the reception hall."Coming?" They asked. "In a minute." I replied, and sat back down on the bench, dizzy from what he had just told me. Dead? How could Charles Schultz be dead? He was my creator! And though I have never met the man personally, he has always been like an invisible father to me. Hedid, after all, fashion a famous character after me. I lost so many things onthis day. Innocence slipped away from me like a thief in the night: come and gone before I could do anything about it, taking with it all the treasures thatI held most valuable in my heart. I felt myself grow up, all in one moment.Reality rushed in around me like a hurricane tide. There was nowhere to run to.All I could do was sit there and watch it destroy and reshape what had existed only a moment before. I was no longer a child. I was no longer Lucy who knewwhat was best for everyone else. I saw, for the first time, what I really was—a thirty-year old woman with a husband of my own, and soon, a child of my own. I allowed the tide to carry my sadness out with it. Take it out to sea, for it serves no purpose in my life. I stood up from the bench; a little taller than Iwas when I sat down. I turned and headed back to the hall, hoping I didn't miss the cutting of the cake. It was the day my sister grew wings of her own and left the nest. It was the day that Lucy died, and I was born. | 
发表于 2013-12-22 09:50:04
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