本帖最后由 ヮ成熟、羙° 于 2013-9-18 20:14 编辑
视杯如已碎
荷叶/译
你有多少次生气，是因为有人没有履行职责，因为你的孩子举止不佳，或是你的友伴没有达到协议的要求？
你有多少次恼怒，是因为别人做事的方式你不习惯，或是你精心策划了什么，但事与愿违？
这种生气或恼怒发生在所有人身上，这是人类经历的重要组成部分。
看电影时，有人谈话是令我恼怒的一件事，还有超车，饭后不洗碗。我生活中有许多这种不快，难道不是所有人都这样吗？
当你生气时很难恢复平静。
让我告诉你恢复平和心态的一点小秘密：视杯如已碎。
要明白紧张生气恼怒的原因是事与愿违。多数情况是这样。
因此解决方案很简单：预料到出错，预料到情况与我们希望和计划的有出入，预料到意外会发生，然后接受它。
以最近一次去日本旅行为例，我告诉孩子们要预料到出错，这是旅行中的常态。我告诉他们：“把出错看成冒险的一部分。”
这立见功效。正如所料，在一个到处是外语地铁体系中，我们坐错了地铁。到达迪斯尼海时，天下起了雨。当我们倒了三般地铁，走了十站路，终于到达国家儿童城堡时，却发现星期一城堡不开门。孩子们说：“这是冒险的一部分。”这没什么，我们并没感到太烦恼。
当你买的漂亮的的玻璃杯不可避免的落地摔碎时，你会伤心。但从你买杯子那天起，就视之为已碎，你就不会伤心。你知道它早晚会碎，哪如从开始就把它视为已碎。做一个时光穿越者，具有穿越眼光的人，能够看到杯子的将来，能从此时此刻看到他不可避免的碎裂的时候。
当它碎裂时，你不会烦恼也不会伤心。因为它从你得到的时候，就已破碎。你会意识到你和它在一起的分分秒秒都很珍贵。
预料你的孩子会把事情弄糟，所有的孩子都会的。当它们把事情搞糟，当他们不按应该去做时，不要生气，因为他们就应该是这样的。
预料你的配偶不会十全十美。
预料你的朋友有时会不来捧场。
预料情况不按计划发展。
预料人们有时会很粗鲁。
预料合作伙伴有时会不履行诺言。
预料室友有时会不洗碗筷不收拾衣服。
预料杯子会碎，并接受这一现实。
这些事情不可逆转，总会发生。如果你预料到它会发生，甚至视作已经发生，当它发生时，你就不会生气了。
你不会大惊小怪。你会举止得体，不会反应过度。你可以和行为人谈话，友好地请他们考虑一下你的感受。你不会过度情绪化，能够恰如其分的处理事情。
你会微笑着认为：“我预料到会发生这些，杯子已碎，我接受现实。”
你会拥有平和的心态，朋友们，这是一种受人欢迎的惊喜。
附：原文
How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn’t doing their job, because your child isn’t behaving, because your partner or friend isn’t living up to his or her end of the bargain? How many times have you been irritated when someone doesn’t do things the way you’re used to? Or when you’ve planned something carefully and things didn’t go as you’d hoped? This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us — it’s part of the human experience. One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or cut me off in traffic. Or don’t wash their dishes after eating. Actually, I have a lot of these little annoyances — don’t we all? And it isn’t always easy to find peace when you’ve become upset or irritated. Let me let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind: see the glass as already broken. See, the cause of our stress, anger and irritation is that things don’t go the way we like, the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you. And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong, expect things to be different than we hoped or planned, expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it. One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan, I told my kids to expect things to go wrong — they always do on a trip. I told them, “See it as part of the adventure.” And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system, or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea, or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the National Children’s Castle closed on Mondays … they said, “It’s part of the adventure!” And it was all OK — we didn’t get too bothered. So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks, someday, you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken, from the day you get it. You know it’ll break someday, so from the beginning, see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler, or someone with time-traveling vision, and see the future of this glass, from this moment until it inevitably breaks. And when it breaks, you won’t be upset or sad — because it was already broken, from the day you got it. And you’ll realize that every moment you have with it is precious. Expect your child to mess up — all children do. And don’t get so upset when they mess up, when they don’t do what they’re “supposed” to do … because they’re supposed to mess up. Expect your partner to be less than perfect. Expect your friend to not show up sometimes. Expect things to go not according to plan. Expect people to be rude sometimes. Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes. Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes. Expect the glass to break. And accept it. You won’t change these inevitable facts — they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen — even see it as already happening, before it happens — you won’t get so upset. You won’t overreact. You’ll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won’t get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion. You’ll smile, and think, “I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that.” You’ll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise. | 
发表于 2013-9-18 12:47:33
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