本帖最后由 ヮ成熟、羙° 于 2014-1-12 17:30 编辑
怎样做自己的朋友
荷叶/译 与自己的友谊最重要，因为如果没有这种友谊，你不可能与世上的任何一个人为友。
埃利诺.罗斯福
我们通常注意建立和其他人的关系而忘掉了这重要的第一步，做自己的朋友。要想拥有良好的人际关系，这是关键的第一步。如果和自己的关系都处不好，怎样和别人相处得好呢？
问题可能比我们预料的要糟。可能我们并没有意识到自己不喜欢自己，下面是一张简单的清单。对照一下，看你有没有不喜欢自己的地方：
也许你在过去犯过令自己感觉不舒服的错误。你可能因自己所犯的错误对自己感到很失望。即使那件事发生在遥远的过去，你在潜意识中仍有理由不喜欢自己。
你可能希望自己出生在另一个家庭，或自己有另一个背景。也许也接受不了自己不如人这个事实，而他们只是因为有好的家庭背景，不用努力却应有尽有。
你可能有些自己不喜欢的个性特征。比如，你是个内向的人，但你并不喜欢，你希望自己是个外向的人。
和别人相比，你的成就不如他们大。不论怎样努力，似乎你就是赶不上别人。你就可能认为自己不够聪明或才能不够。你有同感吗？所有这些给你不喜欢自己的理由。这使你很难成为自己的好朋友。
幸运地是，总有办法修复这一情况，下面是一些技巧：
一．原谅自己
你可能过去犯过那些错误，但还有办法弥补吗？我想没有，除非从中汲取教训。你不完美是个事实，但人人如此。犯错误很正常，因此，行行好吧，原谅自己。
二．接受自己不能改变的事情
有些事情你无法改变，比如，你的家庭背景，你的过去。因此，要学会接受它们。如果你以正确的方式对待那些你无法改变的事情，你会觉得无比坦然，只是接受它们，笑笑，继续前进。
三．把注意力放在自己的优势上
别在意自己的弱势，把注意力集中在自己的优势上。你总有一些别人没有的优势使自己成为一个独一无二的人。识别自己的优势，围绕着它构建自己的生活。
四．书写自己成功的故事
我们可能不喜欢自己的一个理由是过度关注自己没有的东西而忘记了自己拥有的东西。因此，列一张自己成就的清单，书写自己成功的故事。不必是什么大事，我们生活中总有一些小但很重要的东西。比如，你有些好朋友，这就是一项成就。你有个好家庭，这也是一项成就。
五．停止拿自己和别人相比
你是独一无二的。你永远也成不了别人，别人也不可能成为你。你衡量自己成功与否的标准不能由别人来决定，也不要与别人的成就相比，这由你自己的人生目标来决定。你只需实现自己的人生目标，和别人相比毫无意义。
六．永远对自己诚实
你不喜欢别人对你撒谎吧，同理，如果得知自己在撒谎，你也会不喜欢自己。不管意识到与否，那会给自己一个不喜欢自己的理由。那也正是要永远对自己诚实的意义所在。无论做什么，都要诚实，不能违背良知。记住亚伯拉罕.林肯这句话：
我渴望这样管理政府事务，如果在……结束的时候，我已经失去了地球上所有其它朋友，至少有一个朋友会留下来，这个朋友将会在我的内心深处。
附：原文
Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. - Eleanor Roosevelt We often focus on building relationships with others that we forget the essential first step:being friends of ourselves. That is the crucial first step if we are to have good relationships with others. How can we have good relationships with others if we don't even have good relationship with ourselves? The problem might be worse than we expect. Maybe we don't like ourselves without realizing it.Here is a simple checklist; is there anything you don't like about yourself from these list? Your past Maybe you have made mistakes in the past which you feel bad about. You might be disappointed with yourself on why you could make such mistakes. Even if that happened in distant past, your subconscious mind still has a reason not to like yourself. Your background You might wish that you were born in different family, or that you have different background.Maybe you could not accept the fact that you are not as lucky as others, who seem to get whatever they want effortlessly because of their background. Your personality traits You might have some personality traits that you don't like. For example, you may be anintrovert and you don't like it; you wish you are an extrovert. Your achievements relative to others. Others might have better achievements than you, and no matter how hard you tried, it might seem impossible for you to match them. You might then think that it's because you are not smart enough or don't have enough talents. Is there anything that resonate with you? All these give reasons to you not to like yourself. That in turn makes it difficult for you tobe a good friend to yourself. Fortunately, there are always things you can do to fix the situation. Here are some tips: 1. Forgive yourself You may have made those mistakes in the past, but is there anything you can do about them? Idon't think so, except learning from them. It's true that you are not perfect,but neither is everybody else. It’s normal to make mistakes, so do yourself afavor by giving yourself forgiveness. 2. Accept things you can't change There are somethings you cannot change, such as your background and your past. So learn to accept them. You will feel much relieved if you treat things you can’t change the way they deserve: just accept them, smile, and move on. 3. Focus on yours trengths Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths. You always have some strengths which give you a unique combination nobody else have. Recognize your strengths and build your life around them. 4. Write your success stories One reason we may not like ourselves is we are too focused on what we don’t have that we forget about what we have. So make a list of your achievements; write your success stories.They do not have to be big things; there are a lot of small but important achievements in our life. For example, if you have some good friends, that’salready an achievement. If you have a good family, that is also an achievement. 5. Stop comparing yourself with others You are unique.You can never be like other people, and neither can other people be like you.The way you measure your success is not determined by other people and what they achieve. Instead, it is determined by your own life purpose. You haveeverything you need to achieve your life purpose, so it's useless to compare yourself with others. 6. Always be trueto yourself You don't like other people lying to you, right? Similarly, you won't like yourself if you know that you lie to yourself. Whether you realize it or not, that gives your mind a reason not to like yourself. That’s why it's important to always be true to yourself. In whatever you do, be honest and follow your conscience. Rememberthis quote by Abraham Lincoln: I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end . . . I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me.
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发表于 2014-1-12 17:18:10
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