本帖最后由 ヮ成熟、羙° 于 2013-8-14 09:17 编辑
爱情不是商品
荷叶/译
一位很明显在个人经历上受过伤害的弗罗里达州读者写信报怨：“如果我偷了价值五分钱的商品，我就是个小偷，会受到惩罚。但如果我偷了另一个人妻子的心爱的人，我安然无恙。”
在许多人心目中，有一个流行的误解，即爱情，象商品一样，可以被偷走。事实上，许多州都已制定法律允许索要“移情别恋”补偿金。
但爱情不是商品，真正的爱情不可以被买卖、交换或偷走。爱情是意志的行为，是感情的转变，是个性倾向的变化。
当一个丈夫或妻子被别人偷走时，他（她）被偷的条件已经成熟，他（她）已经有了一个新伴侣倾向。“爱匪”们偷走的只是那些等着被偷，想要被偷的人。
我们倾向于把人看作物品。我们甚至说孩子属于父母。但是没有人是属于别人的。每个人只属于他自己和上帝。孩子们被托付给父母，但如果父母不正当对待孩子时，政府有权收回父母的托管权。
我们多数人都有小时候心上人被更有吸引力，更有趣的人抢走的经历。那时，我们可能痛恨这个闯入者，但随着年龄的增长，我们认识到那个心上人开始就不属于我们。不是闯入者导致的破裂，而是没有真正的感情基础。
表面上，许多婚姻的破裂似乎是由于第三者插足。然而，这是一个心理误区。那个第三者对于终止一段不再完好的婚姻，只不过充当一个托词和借口。
因遭到心爱的人轻蔑拒绝而心生痛苦，以及认为有人插足于自己和心上人之间而心存报复，没有什么比这些更无效，更适得其反了。这常常是歪曲事实，因为人们不是别人的俘虏或牺牲品，他们都是自己的自由经纪人，掌管着自己的好坏，自己的命运。
但是遭到拒绝的情人或遭到遗弃的配偶无法相信他的所爱是自愿地离开自己的。因此，他归因于闯入者的卑鄙和魔力。他和第三者叫催眠师，叫小偷，叫家庭破坏者。然而，在绝大多数情况下，当一个家庭破裂时，裂痕早已出现，远远早于第三者的到来。
附：原文
Love Is Not Like Merchandise A reader in Florida, apparently bruised by some personal experience, writes in to complain, "If I steal a nickel's worth of merchandise, I am a thief and punished; but if I steal the love of another's wife, I am free." This is a prevalent misconception in many people's minds---that love, like merchandise, can be "stolen". Numerous states, in fact, have enacted laws allowing damages for "alienation of affections". But love is not a commodity; the real thing cannot be bought, sold, traded or stolen. It is an act of the will, a turning of the emotions, a change in the climate of the personality. When a husband or wife is "stolen" by another person, that husband or wife was already ripe for the stealing, was already predisposed toward a new partner. The "love bandit" was only taking what was waiting to be taken, what wanted to be taken. We tend to treat persons like goods. We even speak of the children "belonging" to their parents. But nobody "belongs" to anyone else. Each person belongs to himself, and to God. Children are entrusted to their parents, and if their parents do not treat them properly, the state has a right to remove them from their parents' trusteeship. Most of us, when young, had the experience of a sweetheart being taken from us by somebody more attractive and more appealing. At the time, we may have resented this intruder---but as we grew older, we recognized that the sweetheart had never been ours to begin with. It was not the intruder that "caused" the break, but the lack of a real relationship. On the surface, many marriages seem to break up because of a "third party". This is, however, a psychological illusion. The other woman or the other man merely serves as a pretext for dissolving a marriage that had already lost its essential integrity. Nothing is more futile and more self-defeating than the bitterness of spurned love, the vengeful feeling that someone else has "come between" oneself and a beloved. This is always a distortion of reality, for people are not the captives or victims of others---they are free agents, working out their own destinies for good or for ill. But the rejected lover or mate cannot afford to believe that his beloved has freely turned away from him--- and so he ascribes sinister or magical properties to the interloper. He calls him a hypnotist or a thief or a home-breaker. In the vast majority of cases, however, when a home is broken, the breaking has begun long before any "third party" has appeared on the scene. | 
发表于 2013-8-14 09:13:52
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发表于 2013-8-14 21:05:35
