本帖最后由 ヮ成熟、羙° 于 2014-7-4 19:51 编辑
四种迹象辨别恋爱是否出现问题 荷叶/译 为什么即使处在一段充满爱的关系里，你仍然会对伴侣感到不满意？难道跟恋人分享自己的生活原本应该这样？ 也许你认为自己对爱的认知是错误的，因为当你和伴侣相处时，你没有被征服的感觉，你的胸口没有小鹿在撞，你的感觉倒更像是焦虑。下面是表明你处于恶劣关系的四个警示性标志。 一．批评 当恋爱中的一方指出对方没有留心的问题时，批评大有益处。但要就事论事，不可没完没了。在恶劣的恋爱关系中，一方把对方所做的一切都当做攻击的耙子，并且常常在他人面前攻击对方。这种批评超越了玩笑的界限，过于苛刻，会带来真正的伤害。一个长期批评别人的人背后是自卑，由于自身的不安全感，导致他们在伴侣身上吹毛求疵。批评人的人先要修复自己，否则他们的伴侣可能不会长期让他们批评下去。 二．控制 恋爱中的权力角逐有时很棘手。有时很明显是一方当家主事。如果另一方一点权力欲都没有，这还可以。但另一方可能会觉得他们没有话语权。控制的一方限制爱人的选择，不给他们任何自主权。即使允许他们的伴侣出去参加晚会，另一方也会感觉像囚犯一样，被迫与世隔绝，因为这并不是他们的选择。一方必须放手，否则，双方都会到别处去寻找影响力。 三．克制 有事闷在心里是一回事，但克制是另一回事。克制是恋爱中的一方或双方为了不伤害对方，而不交流自己的真实感受。这从表面看很好，但实际上很有害，因为双方的关系出了问题。对方对此一无所知，所以修复无望。裂痕会扩大，最后导致分手。要开诚布公，否则你就得收拾残局。 四．撒谎 如果你的伴侣公然欺骗你，这就是你们关系恶劣的最糟糕的信号。有些骗子非常擅长撒谎，他们似乎自己都相信了自己编造的谎言，并会责怪对方不相信他们。这可能是最有害的一条。如果你认为有必要向伴侣隐藏一切，考虑一下这将给自己给对方造成的伤害。最终你的谎言会导致对方把你甩掉。 附：原文 Why is it, even though you're in a relationship - maybe even in love -you still feel so unhappy and unsatisfied with your partner? Is this what sharing your life with someone is supposed to be like? Maybe everything you thought you knew about love is wrong because when you're with your partner you don't feel swept off your feet, you don't feel butterflies in your stomach…whatyou feel like is something more like anxiety. Here are four warning signs totell if you're in a toxic relationship. 1. The Criticizing Criticism can be helpfu lwhen a partner points out a problem the other person in the relationship doesn't notice. It's how healthy relationships work. But once a problem ends so should the critique. With a criticizer in a toxic relationship everything the other person does is a target that can be attacked, and often in front of other people. This goes beyond playful banter: this criticism is overly harsh andcauses real harm. Behind a chronic criticizer is a person whose low self-esteem leads them to find faults in their partner because of their own insecurities.Criticizers need to fix themselves first, or else they may not have partners tocriticize for long. 2. The Controlling Power dynamics in relationships can be tricky. Sometimes one partner clearly runs the show. Thatcan be okay, if the other person doesn't want any control, but other people mayfeel like they have no say over their lives. Controlling partners limit theirloved ones' choices and never let them have any independence. Even if their controlling partners make them go out and party, the other person in the relationship feel slocked away from the world, like prisoners, because doing that was not theirchoice. Someone has to let go, or else you'll both be searching for more leverage somewhere else. 3. The Withholding Keeping things to yourself is one thing,but withholding is something else. Withholding is when one or both of thepeople in the relationship refuse to share how they really feel to keep the other person from harm. That may seem nice, but it's actually toxic because if something is wrong, the other person has no idea about it and therefore can never hope to fix it. The brokeness spreads, and eventually the relationship will fall apart. Open up, or you'll have to pick up the pieces. 4. The Lying You're not going to finda much worse sign that you're in a toxic relationship than if your partner is overtly lying to you. Some liars are so good at what they do that it almost seems as if they believe the lies that they tell instead of the truth, and blame you for not believing them. This is probably the most toxic trait on thislist. If you're the one who thinks you need to hide everything from you rpartner, consider the harm you are doing both to that person and to yourself:eventually your lies are going to get you dumped. | 
发表于 2014-7-4 19:49:13
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